ALL E-MAIL ADDRESSES HAVE BEEN DELETED (available to MEMBERS)
Donnie (e-mail address deleted)
1/24/97 VA USA
Thanks for a very informative and comforting place to
come and learn more about romantically involved first cousins. My
cousin and I have been in love for over 2 years now. We just went
through telling our families about us, and everything is fine. All
of our fears of rejection and the like were unfounded, everyone has
accepted it. All of them said" If you are happy, we are happy for you
both". So to others out there with the same fears we had, we say "Go
for it!!"
Magenta (e-mail address deleted)
2/7/97
Oregon/California, USA
Hello,
My first cousin and I have been close since we were children. Though we
knew by the time we were teenagers that we were attracted to each other,
we never dared crossed the social taboos. Finally, last Christmas, thirty
years after we were teenagers, we admitted our feelings to each other,
though we have yet to consummate them. I'm just looking for support and
imput on this matter. We live in different states, but are thinking about
crossing those taboos now that we are approaching upper middle age and
have raised our children. Thank you.
Carlos (e-mail address deleted)
2/12/97
Amsterdam, Holland
I just discovered this page and I am happy to hear that I am not the only
with this "problem". I was born in the Dominican Republic (24 years) but
don,t
live there since my childhood. My family used to visit the island every
year and
during those years is when I became very close friend with my first
cousin.
She and I have always been attracted to eachother but where afraid to tell
anyone.
Two years ago we broke the silence but our family did not aprove our love.
I have not seen her since then but I promised to her that I would wait for
her (She is 19).
To my surprise I received a letter this year in which she told me that its
better for us to forget our love and date some one else .Now that day I
almost died and since then I have been very very sad. Could anyone sent me
some
advice please.
Rick Ogburn (e-mail address deleted)
In response to my own inquiriy, Utah State Code 76-7-102, marriage between
first cousins is a 3rd degree felony in this state and considered
incestuous. I am now at a loss and seriously messed up because the lady I am
in love with can not deal with this. (I don't blame her), but how can
attitudes vary so dramatically from state to state. Any input would be
greatly appreciated from any of you out there. Neither of us can stand any
more sadness in our life (HELP!)
KT
To Rick Ogbern:
WOW, marriage between first cousins are a 3rd degree felony on Utah?!! -
Incredible!
Some states call it a crime if you leave the state and return
married to your cousin! Keep that in mind. I wish I knew a remedy for
your situation, but I don't. Maybe you can goto another state
and get married, but check you're state laws first.
Good Luck, and Keep Us Posted.
I believe USA Federal Law prohibits
prosecution for actions taken in states other than the prosecuting state.
Utah may not recognize the marriage for civil purposes, but I doubt they
could prosecute. - janyce
KCSG member: Christopher (e-mail address confidential)
02/25/97: California, USA
To Rick Ogburn:
Laws vary wildly from state to state because of the variance of general
maturity in our population. States that favor old points of view still have
it illegal; states that pay attention to the actual medical facts now
available allow it. And Utah is not exactly known for its forward-thinking
values.
If the lady you love "can not deal with" your state's law, and is allowing
your relationship to be diminished by rules put forth by people who don't
even know you, I'd like to gently suggest she take a deeper look at her
commitment to the relationship. Seems to me if she was really sure, she
wouldn't be fretting about her state's limiting laws; she'd be getting a
list of states that agree with her preferences. I don't mean to offend;
it's just something to think about. Our commitment to something always
shows more clearly in the face of opposition.
Lara
(03/18/97)California...I am new to
Kissin' Cousins and happy to find it. I
have recently started an affair with my
first cousin. We are both in our forties
and live on opposite coasts. A family illness
brought us together a few months ago and
the rest is history. We love being together, but
our families may be extremely upset. We are
both divorced, single parents. Even though our
our everyday worlds are different (I am in
education, he currently does assembly line) our
basic emotional and physical requirements are
the same. I am hoping there is a middle ground
where we can be together.
We are both
surprised by the intensity of our attraction. Is this
a common cousin thing? Does the commonality
of bloodlines together with the forbidden aspect of
the relationship add to the excitement?
It does indeed, appear that cousin relationships are much more intense
than other
relationships. The "commonality of bloodlines" is likely a factor - after
all, you share many of the same genes. There are also the factors that
"family
skeletons" are already disclosed, general family history is already known
and usually, in-laws have been known for years - if not since childhood.
The "forbidden aspect" has to be a
factor, but cousins who have been married several years, generally report a
continuation of intensity (if not an increase of intensity), even after
acceptance by family, friends, religions and
residing is a state that accepts cousin marriage. - janyce
Liz
5/13/97 Massachusetts, USA
My first cousin and I have been living together for over 5 years. He is
from Scotland, and I am from the US. We met during our teens, fell in love,
and decided to break it off.
Six years later, he had a serious accident,
and I returned to see him. The feelings were still the same, so this time we
decided to be together.
Family is the hardest. His doesn't have a big
problem, but mine are disgusted. Not one member of my family has even spoken
to him once, and we live a block away. We thought my family would warm to it
eventually, but after five years, it's not looking that way. So, we would
like to get married anyway. Does anyone know what the Catholic Church's
stance on this marriage is? This really concerns me, and I don't know what
to do. If there's anyone out there who can offer some information, you'd be
saving our lives. I've been so scared to approach a priest, after seeing my
family's reaction.
It's been so tough all these years, but finding this
support group is a godsend. Over the years I have taken note of any famous
cousin couples that I've heard of, and there are a lot. I do not have a
personal email address as of yet, but I am getting one soon. If there's any
help I can be to people, I would love to help. And please, if anyone knows
of marriage rules within the Catholic Church, please post. Thank you!
magenta (e-mail address deleted)
Liz~
The Catholic Church does condone first cousin marriages. You may have to
find a state that condones it.
There are nine references to the Catholic Church relative to cousin
marriage in the Jul-Dec 1996 postings to KCK.
CLICK HERE to order; OR
JOIN KCSG and get it all for free.
Leah (e-mail address deleted)
5-9-97 I live in Wisconsin and am so relieved to hear that others are in
love with their cousins too. My cousin had been givin up for adoption by my
aunt and we didn't meet until 1995 when he was 22. I was wondering if
anyone has information on the legality of marriage for us. We are blood
related, but he was adopted out of the family. Do we still have the same
laws as everyone else? Please let me know. We are so happy together, but
our families are not handling it well. But we love each other, and it's
worth it. If anybody else has anything they could share with me please
email me. Thanks. KCK has been a great help for me.
val (e-mail address deleted)
04/29/97 usa,new jersey
I was really glad to find other people going through the
same thing as me. The only thing is that i am in love with
my second cousin. is there any information on second cousin
marriages. i would really love to know. There was a sigh of
relief when i read about other people going through the
same thing. Thanks a lot!
Charity
My cousin and I have had a close relationship for over 30 years.
We both stayed single and maintained separate residences. We
enjoy each others company regularly over the years without any
problems. What two consenting adults do is nobodys business but
theirs.
Freddy Chat
My cousin and I have had a close relationship for over 30 years.
We both stayed single and maintained separate residences. We
enjoy each others company regularly over the years without any
problems. What two consenting adults do is nobodys business but
theirs.
KCSG MEMBER: Christopher (e-mail address confidential)
04/22/97: Well, my fiance and I just got done telling the family about our
engagement. Most of the siblings took it just fine (one didn't), but the
big surprise was the parents.
Her parents were the big question mark. Well, it turns out they'd suspected
for months, and while they had some questions, they were open minded. We
gave them a copy of the "Forbidden Relatives: The American Myth of Cousin
Marriage" book, and that really helped. Once they learned that actual
genetic problems were minimal, and laws in our state are fine with it, they
relaxed. Pretty soon they were offering the mother's wedding dress and
asking about the wedding date.
Phew! Things sure are more comfortable now.
Thank you Christopher for being thankful enough to support KCK with your
pocketbook. - janyce
Alex (e-mail address deleted)
04/17/96 Australia, NSW, Sydney
I don't know where to start. I decided
to write this letter as right at this moment I am going through such a
strong emotional pain that I cannot describe. I have been involved with my
first cousin for about 4 years now. We have the best of relationships. I can
not imagine living without her. The problem is our parents.
I am Macedonian
in background and Macedonians have very strong family values. A thing such
as this is considered as a big shame to a family. My parents have accepted
the fact but not my partners parents. Her parents just won't budge and
literally lock her up in the house so she cannot see me. I am 25 and she is
22.
I have faced her parents twice now and have even come to a physical
fight with her dad. This was the first time. After that we decided to run
away from home and live on our own. She was very scared of her dad so we had
to hide. After 6 months she couldn't handle it anymore and went back home.
But we couldn't cope not being with each other and started seeing each other
again, till tonight that is...
She just called me and said that she can't
handle the pressure from her parents anymore. I feel like I am going to
explode from the inside out. I have no will to live anymore. I am tired of
fighting it all and want to give up. We have tried to go our own ways before
but always got back to each other. The pain that I have gone through I
cannot even start to describe.
I am tired of this up and down emotions. I
have no more strength and no more ideas. I love her to death and will try to
hold on for as long as I can, hoping with each minute that she might call me
and tell me that she wants me back. I can just see myself spending sleepless
nights, driving for miles with no goal in mind. I cannot go through that
again. Is there no answer????????
I beg anyone... Why does it have to be so hard. Why? Why? Why??????
KCSG mem: Michelle (address deleted)
Oct 30, 1997 Arizona
The posts contained in the "members only" section have made me feel so much
better about what is happening in my life. Thanks Janyce!!
I would be happy to receive e-mail from members and non-members.
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Inc. Nothing herein is to be copied or
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written permission by the owner.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Last Revised: 01 Jan.2000 @06:50 PDT
This web page address is: www.janyce.com/genecous/book.html
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